Guide to the British Summer.

The summer seems to have arrived here much to my surprise. Last year we hardly even got a summer. A few weeks of vaguely good weather followed by a lot of rain. I know I shouldn’t really moan about the weather until we get a cyclone or people start passing out in the streets but being English I just can’t help it. Suddenly people are ripping off their woolly jumpers exposing their pale limbs to the scorching sunlight. This time next week we will all be shuffling to work in the rain the only difference we will be the strange lobster pink colour that our skin has turned.

With no world cup this year and England not participating in Euro 2008 (the European Championships) people are going to need something else to focus on this summer. Perhaps whilst the Euro Finals are going on we could distract ourselves with a game of British Summer Bingo? This might also be good for any tourists planning to visit us over the summer. Here’s what you need to keep your eyes out for:

Socks and Sandals: A great British fashion classic.

Bald man wearing a handkerchief as a sun hat.

Men walking/driving into lampposts (distracted by girls in bikinis)

Chav in summer outfit (Burberry Baseball cap, no top, can of beer in hand)

British family on a trip to the seaside (carrying enough supplies/equipment to support an army)

People going on walks for the first time this year (perhaps more to do with Petrol prices than the weather)

People complaining that it’s too hot (normally by about day 2)

Old people still wearing big coats and woolly hats.

Goths dressed all in black searching for shade.

If you spot all of those congratulations you have experienced the Great British summer, now get back to work, maybe next year you will be able to go to The Bahamas.